Eating my words...

Turns out I was totally, completely wrong.  I was not being used, she was just unsure of what she wanted and now we are oficially bf/gf.  Not exactly sure how its gonna work, but that's part of the charm I guess.  I don't know if its just me, but I always get nervous when I start dating someone, partially just because I'm not sure what boundaries there are and what they expect, and partially because of a bad track record that makes me wonder if this one will end up like all the others (all 2 of em).  But i seriously think that is just my paranoia acting up, like he tends to do.  Maybe I should go find him a cookie to nom on.

FML

So just when I think things are looking up, it turns out they really aren't....The person that I thought I was dating, and had even used that word several times recently told me we were just "friends with benefits" and that she wasn't ready for a serious relationship...Well that would have been nice to know....AWHILE back.....I didn't want to be a fuckbuddy....Fucking hell, seems like I can't do anything right sometimes.....And now I do not know what to do.....I feel kinda used, misguided, and a little hurt, but I'm not sure if I can tell them that.....I honestly think that they might not have known what they were doing to me, but the little cynical bastard in my head is jumping up and down, blowing a horn, and shouting that the bitch knew it all along and that I should have known better....SO FUCKING ANGRY/SAD/CONFUSED......

Home Sweet Hell

Just got back to North Carolina, an 8 hour drive by the way that was awful because of the idiots that drive at this time of year.  I already want to go back to Valdosta.....I miss the people there and the absolute chillness that winter break has brought me.  I know that when I'm up here, they will want me to be perfect and be the son that they always wanted me to be, with a big plan to get a big job somewhere.  But now, I don't know if I have it in me to be a somebody.  I honestly wonder if I'd be perfectly happy just doing something mediocre that I enjoy, rather than putting myself through  the paces in a subject that is just ok.  I really want to try to be a cook, but hell will freeze over ten times before my parents find out...I don't have that much talent at cooking, but I want to learn and enjoy doing it.....oh well, its not that important.  In today's economy I need money more than happiness...FML