It Still Hurts....

So I had another phone die on me, this is starting to get annoying.  Fortunately I had an old phone that I could use in order to let people be able to stay in contact with me.  Unfortunately it still had some old messages and photos on it....things I thought long gone and now that they have been dredged up, old wounds have been reopened.  This is seriously shit....It has been over a year since the breakup, and I am in another relationship with someone I care about.  But even that isn't able to make me forget, and even more importantly, not enough to make it stop hurting.  I am torn.....It feels like I should be over it, and should just forget....but at the same time....I kinda want her back.  I feel stupid for saying it.....She ripped me into pieces when she left, and many a time I have said that I don't care if she were to come back or whatever....But I have no idea what  I would do if I were to see her.....Probably somewhere along the lines of falling to my knees in shock and just stand there dumbfounded.  Possibly with some tears, harsh words, and mayhaps some apologizing....Maybe I'll never know.....but I kinda want to....