To go back....and questions

If I could, I would go back to highschool and prevent my phobia of being near people and/or touched by people from being mostly cured.  Part of the reason I had it was because I knew that if I let people get close to me, I would end up getting hurt, and so far it has proven to be extremely accurate.  I am not sure if it was worth it to let my guard down and let the person who actually made me able to be approached and touched make me touchable.  It has lead to me becoming clingy and unwilling to let go of stupid things, and wishing that I could be close to someone all the time.  I want comfort, I want to be held and be cared for.....These things were not an issue until my guard dropped, now I feel like I should almost revert back to be touchaphobic and just make myself a social hermit.  I'll go out, but I won't touch or be touched.  It certainly would make some things much easier, but I do not know if I can go back to that.  Guess I have to find some way to deal with this........Wish I could figure out how I fucked up....What did I do wrong?  What changed?  Was it you changing your mind?  Did your issues with your gender cause you to rethink being a girl and therefore my girlfriend?  Was I jsut not man enough?  Do you still care, or am I an unwelcome stain in your memories?  I miss you and your comfort, and find myself desperately trying to find someone to care about and who cares about me.  I haven't fallen to the level of sleeping with anyone/anything, but sometimes I wonder if it would help to be a manwhore for awhile and just let my body be used by anyone who wants it.  Damn, that was emo......